I think that as i continue to grow older, i learn more and more everyday. Ive been living in Brantford for almost a year now. Man how time goes by fast. Youd think that by now i would have new friends and a brand new life. Well you would be wrong. For some reason i just cant seem to bring myself to talk to people, well i guess thats not neccessarily true, because i have made many friends at work. But at school i am still just a simple nobody, who nobody cares about. Going off to college in the summer is something that im not so sure im ready for, but i can feel that i need to take that next step in my life. Things at home havent been going very well lately and i feel trapped in my own home. My mom has completely sided with her boyfriend on everything, its like no matter what i do the bad will ALWAYS outweigh the good. I may sound like a baby but, its not fair. She blames me not having a life here on the fact that i refuse to make friends, which , is completely not true. I have tried to make friends but for some reason its just not clicking here. At work i have many friends and i dont know how i did it there but i just cant seem to do it here. I need to take this next step in my life because i cant be here anymore, I cant stand the outrageous rules that have been put into affect at my house, i cant stand the constant bitching and always having to watch everything i do. They tell me that i should be grateful to live here and grateful to live in the house that i live in because in oakville my house wasnt nearly as good as this one. I plan on living with my boyfriend when i move away for college and my moms boyfriend seems to think this is a bad idea because, basically his house isnt as nice as ours. I dont know how one person can be so materialistic and just utterly pathetic as to base everything on what someone has. My moms boyfriend is one of the most pompous, arrogant, ignorant, OCD, self-centered people i have ever met. I cant live in that house anymore, i just cant do it. I want to start my own life, be who i am. They ruined the high school experience for me and dont even care. They completely took everything from me, TWICE, and all they can tell me is that i should be grateful, because living in Brantford is supposidely one of the greatest things that has happened to me because there are so much more opportunities here. What they fail to notice is that the opportunities and what not that they speak of, are for THEM, they dont know what i want in life, they dont know what i want to do, and being to 3 different high schools, is DEFINITELY not what i wanted. Im going to miss out on everything, i didnt get to play volleyball for my last year of high school because there were no announcements telling me when they would be, yet my mom seems to think its because i didnt even try, and of course, she knows everything. Im going to be this huge loser at prom... if i even go... because i have virtually no friends and it will just be me and my boyfriend. I wanted to walk into prom wioth my boyfriend on my arm, walking into a group of friends and having what is supposed to be one of the greatest nights of my life. Now its just going to be akward and completely wierd because i dont really know anyone, so im going to be walking into a prom full of strangers looking awkard and loser-ish.
Im grateful though, that i do have a boyfriend who supports me, even though we have some stuff with the distance that we currently have to work through.
I cannot wait until the day where i get to take that next step into my future, and get away from all this . I dont belong here and i know i dont.
Who knows what the future has in store, i guess ill know when i go shopping.
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