what about me.

i dont know what it is about me, but i am constantly bringing up the past. its like a disease. i think its because the past is the only thing i know for sure. I miss how things used to be. where i used to live. living there for 10 years made me the way i am . and in just one single day, it was all taken away from me. My school, my friends, my hometown, my street. my life. i was packed up and me and my mom moved away to a new place, completely out of the blue. I swear, that was the best and worst thing that even happened to me. best in a way that, i changed so drastically from what i used to be.
worst in a way that,. i changed so drastically from what i used to be.
i used to be shy, chunky, annoying and basically the one girl that people liked, but made fun of. nnow im not even close to that. i can be considered what you call popular, but really, what does it even mean to be popular. ive lost so much weight from what i used to be, and im a lot prettier. But changing for the better, also comes with a bit of changing for the worst. ive now done things that werent even an OPTION before, like things that when i was younger, i looked down upon people that did them. Ive changed in to something that i never thought i would.
its not exactly bad. but not good either, im growing up.
growing up is great, so many new opportiunities, but with opportunity comes responsibility. I hate how im now realizing how painful love can be, and how heartless it can be, and how much i seem to rely on a guy to keep me happy, and i really want to be independant, but for me it doesnt come easy and i dont understand why.
my friend once gave me some good advice : "take a break from guys, you really need to just spend a week thinking about you, not about guys" its easier said than done. im so childish about this , but i cant help it. its in my nature.